“…And she gave herself with Reckless Abandon.” – Maryam Dan-Habu

It was a friend’s birthday dinner that evening and I knew I was going to be seeing her…my wifey! Well, okay, my Wife to be. A woman that had so captured my heart with her faith, trust, hope, hospitality, beauty, meekness and love of God! She didn’t talk too much, but whenever she did, she spoke with so much depth of knowledge and occasional sprinkles of humour. Everyone said “there’s just something about her…” no one could really point it out. There’s just something about her.

I arrive at our friend’s dinner and see her already seated already. I slide behind her chair and whisper “hey baby…” We share a long hug.

For the most part of the dinner, she was absent-minded, distracted and lost in her thoughts. I was about to ask her how the meeting with the wedding planner went when I called her name twice and she didn’t flinch. Lost in a world of her own, I stretched to hold her hands And I could feel them shaking. Weird.

“Hey, Mama… are you okay?” I asked as she lifted her eyes to look at me. They were a tad teary as she nodded in the negative and said: “we need to talk”.

Too many thoughts race through my mind… Did I say something? Did I do something? Did I forget something? No, her birthday is in two months, that can’t be it… Did I look at another girl someway? Naa, that can’t be it. No one is as beautiful as her here. What could be the problem? “Yh, sure. Outside?” I’m finally able to say.

We walk towards the parking lot in silence. Hand in hand, her’s is still shaking.
Once we get to the car, I draw her close and ask her what’s wrong. She can’t look me in the eyes, she’s blinking and says “I, I haven’t seen my period, last month and this…” I laugh in my head. Is this why this woman brought me outside? Small thing.
“it’s probably normal babes. Just google it or talk to your mum. Or just see a doctor tomorrow honestly. You’d be fi-”

“No Jay…” she cuts in. “I know- like I know this one. I know I’m not sick or anything. I don’t know if this makes sense but I’m pregnant. Like I’ve taken in and-“

“You’re what?” I ask almost choking in laughter. “Babe you actually need to stop nursing your primary school dreams of being an actress. Hahahaha. Preg where? Preg what? Preg who? You’re such a joke”

But she’s not laughing. “I know, I know this may sound silly, but I’m pregnant. I had a dream tha-“

“Babeee! You know people don’t get pregnant by dreams right? Well don’t worry we’re about to get married… you’d know how soon” I wink.

But She’s not having any of my cheekiness. She looks at me with this interesting confidence and says “No babes. I know what I’m saying…” she searches her bag and pulls out an envelope and hands it over to me. “That’s the ultrasound. See my name at the top.” She gives me a while to read through and interjects while I’m still trying to find my thoughts. She starts tearing up.
“I promise Jay, I kept our vows, I didn’t have sex. I swear baby, I’m still a virgin. I’m carrying a special baby. An angel told me I have been favoured and-“

“Ohh Mary just stop this cock and bull story you’re telling me” my anger rises. “It’s one thing to lie to me, another to cheat on me, break our vows and worst off, you’re lying on Yahweh! You’re just unbelievable! How could you!??” I raise my voice. My blood gets hotter. “How could you Mary!!?? Couldn’t you wait till we got married? You want me to be the joke of the town?? Church gossip?? How could you Mary? I trusted you with my heart, with my life, with my vows, my everything and here you are saying an angel or God or the Spirit got you pregnant!!!!?? You know better than to lie foolishly to me! You know bett-“

“I didn’t do anything with any man. I promise you.” Her words get mixed with tears but her face brightens. “I love you, but you know I love God more. I trust you, but I trust him more. I would never hurt you, but this is a fulfilment! The angel says I’m favoured. He said I’m blessed to have been chosen. He even told me the child’s name. He would be the son of God!! Can you imagine!!? Our child would be-“

“What is our?? Mary, what is OUR? Who and who? Who with you? What has come over you?? What?? You unclean Woman! I spit on you!”

“But Josep-“

“Don’t call my name please! I don’t have time to talk anymore woman. I have work tomorrow.” I get into the car and slam the doors.

It’s a year later, I’m cradling Jay Junior… well, Baby Jesus. I kiss his forehead soaking myself in this surreal moment… I just kissed God.

I turn to Mary. A woman whose faith leaves me in absolute awe. For she undertook the risk birthing the saviour of the world and recognised the huge privilege it was too. Mary, a woman that gave herself to Yahweh with reckless abandon. She was ready to be called a whore and socially castigated if I didn’t marry her. She was prepared to go through scorn and mock even if people disbelieved her story of the angels’ visit. She knew that we had no knowledge of motherhood but trusted Yahweh for conception and delivery.
Mary trusted God with reckless abandon.

Are you ready to?

Article written by Maryam Dan-Habu